Ghosts From The Past 8th Day

by Administrator 8. January 2011 18:53

When we repeat similar behavior, in alike situations, but with different people ..there is no doubt, the pattern is present...

Something in us makes us react that way, feel the same emotions,even if that's the last thing on the earth we want to express.

 We can remove our self from "that picture"or try to understand the logic behind " non logical " response.

 Today's "journey " is showing to be more difficult, then I expected...maybe its not always "sunny" in my part of the world...First thing is  ..to, identify emotions...then,  try to find logical explanation for it ...just to realize that, it is not logical but never-less very real for us and at the end, put the solution and the  answer, not to the outside  of yourself ..but within you...

The world around you is not responsible for that ..its just the way it is , you are the one who needs to "adjust "  your reactions , perception , understanding ... and at the end your emotions. That's the most successful way to stop playing the same unpleasant role ..time for different play..

When we don't feel like victims of our emotions ...but powerful enough to understand them ...we can change ...and move on...

I remember the feeling of shame and guilt ( sort of strange combination) when I was just a child and my father would take me skiing ( which I loved) ...but instead of spending time with me ..he would bring his current girlfriend. Every time, we accidentally met any  friends of my mom , I felt this panic and a  big knot in my stomach...knowing I had to lie for my father( not letting my mom know, he brought a "friend"with him) and felt so humiliated by that , and maybe by the fact, that I wasn't good enough to be his only company...I suppose the  combination of being dishonest and feeling not that important in his life, was "poisonous" to my self esteem..

I was very shy then and even now ,occasionally I still am..though my friends laugh at that  statement and don't agree .

 The feelings of rejection and of not  exclusiveness to my father's heart sink deeply within me... I didn't resurrect that, in the very long time..because didn't think I had to...but familiar knot in the stomach reminded me of something well known and almost forgotten..

Yes, I  felt it before ..quite few times, ...but "blamed" my feelings , situation and the person who " put me in it" more , then something  else from the past.

Obviously there are some  scars , which still keep on hurting ...even if only lurking from my unconscious reactions..Healing can only happen through understanding and  consciously letting them go...

I am ready for this one, to leave ...I am good enough just the way I am...always been and always will be .....Just had to hear myself, say it out loud..words have power and I am intending on using it...

We need to nourish our soul ... bring it to the place of "innocence"..before we learned all wrong lessons ..and kept reciting them over and over... , so here it is.. pattern ,...source of it , ...mission to understand it  and change..., replace it  with something else ...peace and letting go...

Sounds like a good plan to me.  Giving yourself permission to be free of that and of anything else which makes us to feel less.....giving  love a chance" to fill" in the space and begin to work its magic .

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The Little Prince

"People where you live," the little prince said, "grow five thousand roses in one garden... yet they don't find what they're looking for..."

"They don't find it," I answered.

"And yet what they're looking for could be found in a single rose, or a little water..."

"Of course," I answered.

And the little prince added, "But eyes are blind. You have to look with the heart."

 

 

 

 

 

 

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