Being yourself, can be as courageous act , as any adrenaline "rising" activity....
Not because of pure passibility of real danger, but by daring to loose your "mask"...which, we all wear more or less so.
Seeing yourself without "history of your own life memories", will take a bit of practice to get use to, but I believe, it will simplify a lot of choices and views ...No prerequisite to act, feel or be certain way, could be very liberating.
That brings me to the thoughts on "letting go" or "giving up " certain things,habits and sometime people in your life. Basically you are ready to do so, when you are ready...not before, which may become "fighting event" with your ego. Once your inner self is ready, there isn't so much battle, you just let it happen...
Promised myself, not to smoke anymore ,not such a big sacrifice for me because I was only sort of social smoker, but enjoyed my cigarettes once in the while. All of sudden , I heard myself saying "no more... " not any particular reason ... "I will never smoke again".
I believe I won't...as if that is, what I need to do now. This small little step ...of getting rid of something from my life which is not really useful anymore.
I just had to say "yes", but it was my decision already not to smoke...not the restriction but an agreement.
Yes, it was more of the conversation, I had with myself , the friend , deep inside of ,me who knows what you need right now...As I said, nothing heroic, just letting change to take place.
Reversing the order,... idea of change was deep inside of me and I just needed to allow it to work through me . Maybe that's the key to all changes in our life. We can't really force it, or we end up having a lots of " battles" on different "subjects".
Maybe ,we can grow into the "change" ... important question is, if we can "grow" into direction that we choose to or is that just beyond our "control"?
I remember long time ago ..years, maybe 20 or more, trying to change consciously the way I behaved in certain situations... Wasn't it easy..but every time I reacted to the particular, emotional situation in alternative way it was getting a little easier, as if I was training my emotions to see it from new perspective.
It didn't "feel" good in the beginning...I was so used to being vocal and quite expressive ( quite few broken dishes ) . This new calm state of mind was the foreign element... Although, satisfaction from gaining control over my reactions to emotions was very rewarding...
Later on, I discovered that my own "natural" reactions were not so natural after all, but learned...Felt stronger and more in control of my life, to overcome few issues.
Years later, when I was reading an article in medical journal about brain,neurons, connections between them,habits..and the theory of how they are formed, and the question, "if we can change it", I immediately knew, the answer was yes !
Thats what happened to me..I've started using "the new path" in the sense of the word, new neurological "road connection"and the more I used that alternative reaction, the more, I traveled "the road less travelled".
Soon this road was "becoming busy", so..the old one,was diminishing and getting weaker and weaker. The new path was beginning to be the first choice of my responses .
We can, deliberately change ourselves! It's possible, but I think it's so much easier, when the "path" , "new road" already exist..even if its only in our thoughts and mind, not in the deliberate actions yet... ( ..unless we view thought as an action....).
Maybe, just by noticing new perspective, new way of behaving, the seed of change is planted and thats the beginning to start building this new neurological highway...without actually "doing" it in reality...sort of virtualy.
It's possible our brain doesn't distinguish between reality and "virtual reality" that well...
I know from my own experience that, when for example ,I have a dance routine I have to learn, but can't do it in reality, just visualizing steps, makes it better ...sort off "dancing in my mind"...
So , reality.....what is it then....? Wow, I cornered myself...
I will never finish my first day blog. One can hope, to find the answer one day, or the answer "to find you" ...complicated...Goodnight and goodbye for today