Puzzle... 28th Day

by Administrator 28. January 2011 04:04


When I was a kid, believe it or not …I loved to schedule everything up to the minute.

 My days were planned with proficiency of “bookkeeper”…or obsessive compulsive bookkeeper…The carefully scheduled graphic of the days ahead, was filled with work, school, leisure time, exercise…anything I found an appropriate, wholesome or helping me to become the best I can. What I remember vividly, is how detailed oriented my schedule was … even up to 15 minutes…It took me quite a long time to finish it, not only to write it down, but to make sure it’s perfect….Exactly…. the idea was clearly Utopian of my ideal days and life... If I just did half of what I planned, I would probably be the first child in the history, organized so well and on the way to become a robot.

 Of course it never happened (what a relief)…most of the time I was so exhausted from careful scheduling, I didn’t even wake up early enough to give my plan a chance. It didn’t stop me to try it again ….later on …to create my perfect day in the perfect world… hoping for …I suppose control and reassurance …”life warranty”.

 Now, I don’t create or even attempt to plan my days, similarly to my childhood plans. Most of the time I simply, don’t plan…relaying on the “mental”, “first draft” idea for the particular day, as a result of just living. I relinquished my attempts to control my days and life, to its last “drop”… I love the room for spontaneous approach, combined with wise flexibility of everyday’s “facts”  

 Though, there were the moments when, putting a little schedule was very helpful. Again, balance is the key; we all know it after certain age. Finding the right balance is what really matters, it’s our challenge, goal and sometime Houdini act…

When we are younger we believe or act upon the “passionate point of view”. Throwing ourselves in the midst of any given subject and giving it 100 %, forgetting about the world and filtering anything out of our conscience, except our “project”. I know it all too well, guilty of that too in the past…The concentration , energy and focus on just one “issue” fueled by our passionate discovery, was the only way, I felt fully alive and engaged.

 The other aspects of my life, became shadows, barely breathing …my attention was on the target. One track mind… I used to love that way, when, you can dive so deeply and quickly into any particular interest, the world cease to exist…The only problem, which remained was terribly unbalanced life….and that’s the problem. If you have anyone “taking care” of you …your “chances of survival “are not bad…otherwise …you will run out of food, clean clothes etc. faster than you think. Yet, until not long ago it was my only expression of passionate interest in anything …or one may say nothing or everything. I tried to change it and did a lot… I still get entwined and partially blind, when learning or researching something, which caught my attention and interest .Though, I am consciously making an effort, not to become an exile in my own house.

As I watch the numbers of my birthday candles increase every year, I realize, that  going through my life is not merely entering new stages …teenage, school years, young adult , wife , mother…and “marking them off”, but also saying goodbye to certain parts of the personality , not longer deemed as beneficial ,mature and  helpful. Some of them I’ve came to like a lot...like irresistibly, passionate concentration on only one thing. The others… for example, the need to control every minute of my life and no room for flexibility are easier to part with.

The wisdom of growing up is to know when it’s the time to say goodbye to some parts of us, or certain attitudes and aspects, which we simply outgrew and don’t need. On the other hand, the wisdom of getting older lies in  welcoming new, useful ideas and concepts, incorporating them into our lives and still looking back with “the misty eyes” and the smile , suggestive of reflections  and memories from the past…. remembering all little parts, which didn’t make it to the present…

  The ever forming, complicated puzzle of us, never stops changing and building, as we are always in the process of becoming …..It’s fascinating and exiting to know we are not “finished projects”, still fully in making ,opening the door to new perspectives and ventures …Its your choice to see yourself as a dynamic energy, full of possibilities and future or stagnant one , impenetrable to change, finished in making , done….I would rather continue exploring and searching then settle in well known… forever….but that’s my personal choice…we all have this right to choose, then live with the result… misery , happiness or something in between… From that perspective, we clearly see, how we create ourselves, by making everyday choices and changing our collage in attempt to make it better .

Encouraging everyone to look for a new pieces of the puzzle, wondering about old one, and rearranging them  to create your own “art” , unique , happy,  wise and never boring….


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The Little Prince

"People where you live," the little prince said, "grow five thousand roses in one garden... yet they don't find what they're looking for..."

"They don't find it," I answered.

"And yet what they're looking for could be found in a single rose, or a little water..."

"Of course," I answered.

And the little prince added, "But eyes are blind. You have to look with the heart."








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