Just Like a Dream... 47th Day 02-16

by Administrator 16. February 2011 04:25

The little girl was helping her Mom to clean up the place before closing. She wasn’t older than seven or eight, holding a large dust pan in her small hands, slowly following the changing direction of the broom. All of her attention was on the group of people, sitting at the table, engaged in casual conversation, broken by loud and genuine laughter. They didn’t see her or just didn’t pay attention to someone “spying” on them. Watching carefully their facial expressions, she would break away, only for a very short moment, to follow her mom. It wasn’t very late, but bistro was already closed, extending courtesy to its quests, by allowing them to finish without rushing them out of the doors. Her pretty face was focused and quiet, determined to soak up the scene.  She wasn’t angry or resentful for doing this job, but intrigued and interested in life, so different from hers. Her mom, quietly and methodically moved around the room, fulfilling her job obligations on the Saturday night.  The little girl wished to be a part of that happy, smiling, well dressed group of the people, enjoying conversation with a little snack, desert or a coffee. She felt invisible to them, along with her mom…so close but so far away.  Probably it wasn’t the first time, that she was able to observe without being noticed. She had a feeling, as the two of the worlds are light years apart…separated and inapproachable to the touch….divided by reality…. It all seemed as a dream…

She knew, she was being watched, pretended to turn around to look at something and from the corner of her eyes noticed, his head moving away in a quick motion. Wasn’t sure at first, if it was him… Didn’t see or talk to him for a while, but imagined that moment in so many ways… Everything around her was looking unreal, for a split second she wasn’t sure where she was…the walls were closing…. Her palms were sweating and her heart was beating fast. She was praying to find an excuse to break away and finish the torture of the painful shyness.  She needed a drink, gestured barman and asked for vodka with tonic, tapping her fingers nervously … Afraid, that her voice will give her away and show her vulnerability. That’s one thing, she was not willing to show, how much she cared for him…It’s been so long ago, it shouldn’t matter…sometimes it felt, as someone else life or a distant story . Her back was burning hot, didn’t have to check to know, he was watching her…   She turned to the left, trying to find the exit, in the last, desperate attempt to escape….just then she felt gentle touch on her shoulder and his voice, saying “ I thought it was you…long time no see…how are you ?” She turned around, facing him in uncomfortable closeness, trying to catch millions thoughts running through her mind….But the only one she was sure of, was that she still cared for him…after all this time…. The twinkle in his eyes and the tone of his voice reminded her, how much she missed him and awakened her senses. Now she remembered everything, as the time didn’t pass at all…all the feelings were as strong and alive as before. I suppose the intensity of it, scared her enormously and send her into panic mode. Before she could think what to say….she heard her own voice …” Hi…I am sorry…your name…?” she paused for a few seconds, pretending to search in her memories, for something from the past … so unimportant and forgotten. Then, she extended her hand with a big smile and “heartfelt” apology for forgetting his name….She won… he wasn’t ready for it... she hated herself at this moment… Moved away, as if nothing happened, knowing that …”winning stinks “and is terribly overrated…The strangeness of the situation reminded her of the dream…with the sinking feeling of sadness.

She was standing in the middle of the hospital room, unable to move or talk. Paralyzed by the news and feeling, as if she was trapped on the inside, not able to communicate with the “other” world. The doctor repeated the question, which sounded to her as in very slow motion with precise articulation. She felt terrified and wanted to shout, but no sound escaped her voice…. The world around her seized to exist … Doctor turned around to his assistant and expressed his concern that, she doesn’t understand the language…but assistant was shaking his head from left to right saying “ No …she ..understands very well…she is just…..in shock”. She looked into the eyes of the assistant, grateful he was there to speak on her behalf. Locked her eyes with his, sensing his genuine concern and feeling of human connection, she felt….as the veils of “different reality”, slowly  are being lifted and she started to compose herself…uttering few incomprehensible sounds…fighting to speak, breath and think….for him….searching for the hope, possibilities and light…It’s just the bad dream, she thought to herself…..




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The Little Prince

"People where you live," the little prince said, "grow five thousand roses in one garden... yet they don't find what they're looking for..."

"They don't find it," I answered.

"And yet what they're looking for could be found in a single rose, or a little water..."

"Of course," I answered.

And the little prince added, "But eyes are blind. You have to look with the heart."








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