Responsibility is such a serious word, suggestive of adulthood, maturity and not much fun….
For a long time, I didn’t want to embrace the idea of living my life in preplanned, structured and “well” design way. I was afraid of losing the magic, spontaneity and zest for life. Idea of becoming organized, responsible, predictable in my action was not only a “painful” but also scary vision. I “fought” it as long as I could…until one day the simplest change in my life brought completely new set of attitudes and perspective. I was “given” a very important role of being Mom….
The need to take care of my kids in the best possible way, paired with love and caring produced responsibility. It wasn’t a “foreign” idea anymore…more of a logical, natural and unquestionable consequence in realizing the importance of this “assignment”. I remember being pregnant with my first child, looking at my changing body and thinking… “that’s the first “project” I will have to complete”. Read all the pregnancy books, I could get my hands on, prepared and organized the best I could. Yet, it all exceeded any expectations I had. The experience of being a parent and changes it produced was a world by itself…unforeseen in complexity and intensity. Yes, it was very demanding, requiring full attention and commitment….at the same time the best “school of life”.
As a matter of fact some “big” words, for example…. responsibility, sneaked up…. unnoticed.
It was love that change the perspective…I’ve never felt obligated or forced to be responsible, I simply wanted and cared to give my best. Over the course of years, I became friends with more words from the “adult vocabulary”… commitment, dependability, punctuality…. but their perception has been altered. They signified, not a boring and rigid life anymore…but my ability to love and care to that degree.
When I look back at my life I can’t help to wonder how much “love” influenced and helped to shape me. Obviously….through the experience of having my kids, I was able to learn the lessons of appreciating and valuing more serious side of the life. That gave me confidence and trust in myself. Following my heart in my decisions made me stronger and aware of own identity.
But that wasn’t my first lesson ...taking a leap of faith with love as my companion….. I fell in love with my husband and opened my heart …to trust, hope and belief…against all experiences from childhood (parents divorced). It was love again…healing and leading the way to new me…willing to “get hurt “ …but still taking a chance …
When my kids got older and I finally realized the need to “care” for myself as well, as for them…it was love again…. helping to bring back my inner child, listen to my spirit…find myself in a new equation of the present.
It seems, that actions born out of open heart, know the best way …not only for you but for others too.
When you replace some of the “lesser” emotions with the attitude of openness and caring, even in the everyday casual situations, you could be surprised how much it can change people.
In most of social interaction, I try to give people benefit of the doubt… even when they are obviously rude or mean …I come back with my heart open..despite the obvious aggression.… On many occasions it’s amazing to see the transformation…from quite angry and rude to friendly and even apologizing for their behavior ….many times due to a lots of stress, tragic events or worries… Their body language, voice and attitudes shift and they don’t even look like the same person…
It feels good to change that energy … It doesn’t happen always ….but that’s all right … you may assume, it was not “your” time and place for that “life lesson".
It is sort of “pay it forward” attitude…who knows, if it’s not me, next time …having a”bad’ day…and spilling my unhappiness…. I could only hope to be lucky enough, to cross my path with someone reminding me of “the heart” and caring perspective in life.
Becoming an “adult “and projecting the responsible and more serious side, is not the result of destroying the spirited, creative, passionate part of you.
They can coexist respectfully… You can and should nurture, that full of life energy, favoring unexpected events, living in the moment, trying new things, having fun and laughter part…. After all, we are complex beings and we can easily embrace two seemingly different elements of our personality. This union will help add the depth, variety and richness to our lives. It may even show us a “sneak preview” of the idea of “oneness”…. versus ….opposition. We don’t have to make a choice between responsibility and creativity …but learn how to create, ever shifting balance by paying careful attention to different aspects in our life.