My Aunt 100th Day 04-10

by Administrator 10. April 2011 20:00

I suppose one of the best and the worst characteristic of our life is that we never stop learning…Our philosophy on living, ideals or “unchangeable” rules are in the constant movement. Just when we get used to something new …it’s beginning to change before our eyes.  I know, there are still lots of subjects, I will perceive differently in the days to come… Some issues didn’t even come close to defining…I am still lost … I have a point of view, understanding, that I embrace in everyday life … but shy away… watching from a distance… not sure how to handle it…

 Sometimes the distance becomes very short…touchable and we can’t escape the reality … The common threat in our all human history…the inescapable end, the cessation of life …death… My aunt passed away couple of days ago …she lived long, interesting and rewarding life…many people would dream of…yet,  I have been pushing this news into the back of my head…I can’t find the words for the final closing …rebelling against an inevitable, accepting it with logic but not with an emotions.  I just read not long ago that we should feel like a passengers of the Titanic…? I suppose… to live life fully, when we can but also be aware of the “disastrous” end… Something inside of me can’t accept this “sad” vision…I know it’s realistic…Maybe the highly optimistic part of my being refuses to see the end…or maybe it’s more…the deep rooted faith in continuation beyond the physical realms doesn’t accept  the departure …only change… into  the unknown for us…

I am still puzzled by some of my reactions about us, humans and purely physical aspect of our living…I am sure almost everyone saw the museum exhibits titled “Body works”. It was very educational…showing the amazing human body in action …through layers of muscles, connective tissues etc. I didn’t like it….still can’t fully understand why not…As  I was walking through the rooms showing the brilliance of our bodies…had a sinking, sad feeling of missing something…I felt as we reduced ourselves to bones, tissues and mechanics…it was not human body I was seeing…it was lifeless remaining of beauty and grace… Still, can’t comprehend fully why my “little scientist” inside of me, didn’t get excited at taking a rarely seen view of human body…instead felt cheated out of something more important….for us humans.

At this point of my life, I refuse to say final goodbye to people who died…Maybe it will change in the future…who knows..? I choose, not only to remember their life but imagine them not far away from us…I know it may sounds silly…but that’s who I am at this moment…So instead of heartbreaking goodbye, I want to see it as a change …mysterious to us …guaranteed  to everyone …I am not ready to embrace nothingness….






The Little Prince

"People where you live," the little prince said, "grow five thousand roses in one garden... yet they don't find what they're looking for..."

"They don't find it," I answered.

"And yet what they're looking for could be found in a single rose, or a little water..."

"Of course," I answered.

And the little prince added, "But eyes are blind. You have to look with the heart."








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