Faith 38th Day 02-07

by Administrator 7. February 2011 04:19

 

I remember, standing next to the bedroom window, looking at the night sky with twinkling stars and feeling of gratitude for life and my family... It was almost, my everyday routine before falling asleep….I couldn’t be older than four or five… My family insists, I was always happy and energetic child… but I’ve changed… even more after …(as the “family legend” goes), coming from hospital, where I got so sick, that I experienced the “clinical death”. Don’t remember that….but I am grateful to be here.

  My family was catholic with grandmas paying a lot of attention to my religious “education”. As a matter of fact, I was attending preschool, exclusively “run” by nuns. Absolutely loved them and remember having lots of fun. They were well organized, with wide range of curriculum, teaching not only academics but also… life skills.  For example, we were responsible to learn, how to properly set up the table, show the proper manners etc….. and…. play the soccer…Yes, the nuns were pretty active and good at this game…Remember laughing hard and having a blast. I was not very placid child and ….according to family fables….the public preschool asked my mom not to bring me anymore …just after three days…. The nuns never complained about me….they were smart, strong and loving. We’ve become friends, and they were always ready to listen and help with good advice, long after I’ve started public school. On some days, on the way home, I would just stop by their covenant …to talk a little…

I was a very serious child about my faith…going to church and to confession was the way of life… Couldn’t comprehend (being maybe eight at that time)...how some people can start acting inappropriately as soon as the Sunday Mass was over….didn’t like that duality of behavior….needless to say, I slowly moved away from the church…deciding …the best is not to “sin” in the first place….and  have a “ direct” talk with God.

 At about the same time my parents divorced and I moved away from one of my grandmas, very “active in religion”.  My mom was liberal for those times and she let me “chose” to continue with religion classes or not…. and I didn’t. It was very rebellious time of thinking in my life…couldn’t accept the logic of the church, couldn’t find the explanation….for my faith. Yet, I was still determined to live my life accordingly to highest standards of ethics. They were days; I was literally “praying” to find the reason to belief…. but couldn’t…

My first, closer time with the church was during Solidarity movement in Poland, where words “fight for free country, religion and Pope” were spoken in one breath. I was able to find my peace, within Catholic Church….by the way of accepting my own understanding. One may say I was more spiritual than religious in strict sense.

I moved to U.S., got married and decided to have a family. Always wanted to have kids…but after seven months of unsuccessful outcome….started thinking about adopting… One of the nights, feeling very sad and lonely I’ve started to pray…like I’ve never prayed in my life…Shut my eyes so tight, I could “ see” the stars and the Universe…as the tears kept rolling of my cheeks, I prayed with every cell in my body for a child.

Three or four weeks later my test came back positive…and my first born was delivered eight months later. Yes…end up having three more…sort of ….my “body” became extremely efficient at this pregnancy business…..

When two of my kids, were seriously sick the faith helped me to carry on, to believe and hope for the best.

Looking back, I feel as I’ve completed a full circle in my faith, spirituality and religion…..  except, I end up with  much deeper and mature understanding and connection to the soul.  It’s good to “travel” …especially on those difficult spiritual journeys…to question, and look everywhere for the answers… just to realize, they were always very close…inside of you. To arrive with the conviction, that what you need can’t be found in facts and statistics but only in pure belief, faith, hope and love….It is simple and complicated at the same time… Life….Why doesn’t it even surprise me……?

 

 

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The Little Prince

"People where you live," the little prince said, "grow five thousand roses in one garden... yet they don't find what they're looking for..."

"They don't find it," I answered.

"And yet what they're looking for could be found in a single rose, or a little water..."

"Of course," I answered.

And the little prince added, "But eyes are blind. You have to look with the heart."

 

 

 

 

 

 

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