Non Verbal Communication 48th Day 02-17

by Administrator 17. February 2011 03:36


My daughter is fearlessly determined to fulfill the plan of three months physical activity, and I am her exercise “buddy”… We have been regulars, at our local gym for past few days. Every time I visit the health club, can’t help to notice “non verbal” discussion between the members…It’s more noticeable there, because there is not much verbal conversation during working out, but we still, do communicate. Body language is as good, as any other form of communication, if not better…?

 Not always, consciously intended for “discussion “or the monologue…never less, delivering the message. Most of us can “read” it without any special training, simply by being human. It helps us to recognize, understands and communicate. Body language consists of body posture, gestures, facial expressions or eye movement. According to researchers about 50 to 60% of all meaning is derived from non verbal communication, though some studies attribute it even as high as 80 %...

When I was maybe 10 or 12  years old, one of my favorite “games” on the way home from school was to “read” a  complete stranger in the matter of seconds, imagine his life  and upon passing him…morph into that person….

I know, I was very precarious child… with inclination to psychology and theater. As you can imagine in my game, there was not enough time to think, and as I saw another person travelling opposite direction, I would first “catch” their body language …the posture and the way they walk, then look, how they were dressed or what they were caring and try to draw quick picture of who they were in life. As they were getting closer, I was able to notice more details…especially the eyes. Upon passing of each other, I would “ take on” the body language of that person…and the rest was  left to my imagination… to complete the switch.  What was so interesting, that body language ex. quick, decisive walk or limping, straight posture or relax …would produce certain attitudes and feelings in my body. I could swear, that walk with limping and slouched position made me immediately tired and depressed… Well, it helped me to imagine being someone else …and obviously, kept me amused and busy.

Years later, reading some psychological articles on body language, I realized that what I’ve experienced as a child’s game had much deeper meaning and application. Apparently, it is well known and called: body language reversal, which means that if you deliberately hold your body in particular ways, it is possible to change how you are feeling and thinking….

 Amazing….what a concept…and from my own experience, very true.

 Let’s just check few practical implication…appearing positive increases positive feelings; nodding will make you like it more; smiling will make you happier, standing up straight makes you more alert but reduces reflecting thinking; writing with less dominant hand reduces self esteem as doing anything, which is more difficult that you think. Of course it doesn’t mean you can change magically in the seconds, just by changing body language …but it could be good “training tool” in self development.

When we look more carefully, we might be surprised in how many other areas of life, we can find use for it. For example the term kinesic communication is a communication through body movement.

 To all of my “dancing friends” it will not come as a surprise, that open body, which takes so much more space indicates comfort and domination; copying the other person’s body shows agreement, trust and liking… Speaking with your body through movement is …actually dancing….but if we know it, we can choose what we want to say….Well…knowing it, is one thing …. delivering continuously, will require some self discipline until the habit is formed....

Haptic communication is done via touching and is the earliest to develop in fetus. Human babies will face tremendous difficulties surviving if they don’t posses sense of touch, even when they have sight and hearing. It is vital for us humans in physical intimacy, but it could be platonic or sexual.

There was a study showing, that touching person during conversation influences them greatly." After touching a stranger when asking directions, turning away and dropping some diskettes, the touched subject would stoop to help pick them up 90% of the time, as opposed to 63% , when they were not touched.”

Touch creates bond and that, helps influence other people …according to psychologists. Also, we can detect emotions in our body through touch. When we are happy, angry or sad, they appear as bodily sensations: tingling, tension in the skin or deeper muscles.

 I have been taking ballroom dancing classes for about 8 years and what surprised me the most, was how fast I was able to “befriend” people I’ve danced with. First I’ve attribute it only, to the fact of clear love for the dance and sharing it with someone…but then, the fast bonding process suggested other factors. After all, we are of mind , body and spirit and dance taps in all of that.

“The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn’t said” Peter F. Drucker

Absolutely….  true…words are just part of the communication…that’s why, we need to trust our gut feelings, reading non verbal clues. It’s not a superstition after all, but the smart way to use non verbal information.

Keep smiling every day to make life better, have consciously positive outlook to find perspective of gratefulness, and tell your body, it’s not only perfectly healthy but amazing in every other way. Start your day with conviction, today is a special and unique day, be ready to find new friends and look in the mirror, knowing you deserve the best from the world …love included…  




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The Little Prince

"People where you live," the little prince said, "grow five thousand roses in one garden... yet they don't find what they're looking for..."

"They don't find it," I answered.

"And yet what they're looking for could be found in a single rose, or a little water..."

"Of course," I answered.

And the little prince added, "But eyes are blind. You have to look with the heart."








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